


The Basics of Courting

by LezzlesTheBrave



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Choice, F/F, Make a choice, Reader-Insert, SU - Freeform, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-16 07:02:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17544938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LezzlesTheBrave/pseuds/LezzlesTheBrave
Summary: Two Zircons plead for your hand. It’s time to make a choice. A brief romance fic with occasional humor.





	1. The Court

Entering the court, you placed yourself behind the judge’s table. Clutching your mallet and tugging your ridiculous robe, you analyze what lay before you. The surrounding area was dark, sans a colorful lit floor and the two women aside you. Next to you sat Yellow Zircon, cocky as ever upon her tiny throne; it lacked in space what it made up for in ornamentation, though she managed to comfortably take up her space. Her eyebrows raised above half-lidded eyes. Her legs crossed over with a book upon her lap, slowly turning pages without lifting her gaze. To your right, opposite of Yellow, stood Blue Zircon. She shook with nervousness and avoided her seat, her brows furrowed as she stared at Yellow. Her arms were clasped behind her and her legs solid and stiff.

“It’s time!” they shouted in unison. The moment arrived to listen to their presentations.

Yellow Zircon carefully got up from her seat, unfolding herself slowly to tease the time. Her posture was upright with no slouch to her back. She smirked and with a wave of her hand she began: “Dear judge, I hope you don’t mind me taking the lead. Ahem…It is I you should be after, miss! I assure you no other gem carries my confidence and could not rival my advances! I will be your greatest support!”

Convincing, surely her shouting is a great display of self-esteem. No need to hear Blue by now; she was busy shivering in her spot. She bit her lip, debating words before they flew out of her mouth.

“It appears I really do have no rival,” Yellow adjusted her cravat.

“I-I object!” Blue retaliated, almost ready to compose herself. She shifted her monocle, then placed her arms to her side as clenched fists. “Judge, oh glorious judge, no passion combats mine! I may not be as conniving or restless as Yellow, but I am the steadiest and most sympathetic of lovers!”

“I beg you to overrule, rarest of gems and most just of judges,” retorted Yellow, “Blue isn’t in the best condition to fight for herself, let alone you. Take a look at my sharp angles! My well-fitting clothes! My towering nose!”

“Size doesn’t matter,” muttered Blue, shifting her ascot. Yellow grew stern, frowning at Blue as she went on. “While we have both made adjustments to our time, dear judge, I sacrificed the most with my presence. I had a whole two registered cases assigned today, and had to settle things beforehand!”

“Your honor, fairest of maidens, I beg you to analyze the evidence standing before you and notice that I would do the best for you!”

“Guess these won’t be so useful now,” said Blue, soft and suddenly. She held within her palm a set of azure flowers. Their petals shaped in crescents, radiating a cerulean tone that complemented its teal center. “Please take the hardest of evidence from the softest of hearts!”

Yellow jumped: “Your honor! This evidence wasn’t examined beforehand! How do we know she grabbed those just for you?”

“Yes, Yellow, I happen to carry flowers on hand all day!” chanted Blue with sarcasm, “After all, I am totally the more popular of us two.”

The duo bickered back and forth before you struck your mallet against a wooden tablet. Right on schedule. It was time to reach a decision and select a new chapter in life.


	2. Yellow

“Alright Yellow, I’ll go out with you,” you calmly stated as Yellow glanced to her side over at Blue.

“Thank the Diamonds I made that reservation, we go immediately!” Yellow sped by you, grabbing your hand and leading it to her face for a quick peck of her lips. Blue’s head hung low with the weight of her curved crest as you and Yellow intertwined fingers and skipped by her. Just where were you going? Wherever it may be, Yellow seemed to have great confidence in the direction she was going. Her steps gained speed, just as her arrogance. Blue’s dull silhouette was unrecognizable with distance, only the two of you mattered now.

Outside of the courthouse, you found yourself roaming through various heaps of cracked rocks and grey boulders to halt before a pair a golden gate. It was decorated in a near-Rococo fashion, floral and leaf-like patterns forming circlets around the columns. Who would place something so clean and elegant in the middle of a seemingly abandoned area? Two amethyst guards stood by either side of the gate doors, which towered above them. Yellow Zircon let go of your hand to approach one of them. The conversation ended briefly when the Amethyst nodded to her companion and opened the gate doors. Beyond the gates stood a greenhouse, with a small gravel path leading to its elongated translucent entrance. The dome was held with pink metallic beams as its glass shone a rosy tint.

“Pink Diamond had a habit of collecting humans,” said Yellow, “but she made sure to collect a few other harmless life-forms.”

Yellow held the door open and bowed, watching you move forward. She grabbed your arm as the two of you proceeded to step foot before the glass dome. Yellow gently pressed the side of the glass to open a portal, allowing an amalgamation of aromas to reach your breath. Saccharine, warm scents spread across the landscape and danced around the atmosphere. They beckoned you to step inside and greet their sources. Yellow followed as you wandered through and analyzed various plants. Some tall, some squat, bouquets of elongated yellow leaves, and in the corner: an array of squash.

You brought yourself nearer an odd rounded plant with a yellow rind. It was oblong and felt quite heavy to lift. “Ah yes, I see you’re curious. It’s unique to water-dominated planets,” explained Yellow, “I’ve been tinkering around with them enough to change their color from glaring green to glorious yellow!” You shot Yellow a glance. Just what did she mean by tinkering? Had she been fusing plants?

“Before you ask, it seems alien organic substances reproduce on their own and mutate. Some of them cross over, fixing inferior colors and producing desirably yellow kin! Almost like...an acceptable form of fusion,” she paused and cast her gaze aside, “I’d appreciate if you didn’t tell others about my agricultural findings. These plants are quite useless beyond their looks and smells, though the fleshy pets seem to enjoy them.”

No matter the controversy, it was easy to appreciate the rows and rows of various collected species of plants. Golden rippled ovoids were soft to touch, and squished with every poke. They left a sticky residue, but alongside a sweet smell and tangy flavor. You toyed with another oval-shaped fruit; it had a soft skin to peel. How fun it was to see its contents and cast its shedding to the floor. Piercing its inside only caused a mild sting. Tasting its juice was another experience in itself. How tempting it was to try and eat, coating your fingers with its moist morsels. What an oddity for something akin to a pebble to be soft; easy to prod, but unable to poof. You place whatever juice it leaked onto your fingers into your mouth. Even more stinging! How could humans enjoy this? Maybe these were punishments and not snacks.

“You’re quite adamant about testing these,” observed Yellow with a smile, “You could be my lab partner! How about you try these?” She handed you a more square-shaped plaything. A yellow-green stem protruded from its head, with faint hints of pink right under it. The skin was thin and grainy, unveiling it yielded a white hollow inside. “Give them a push and lots of time, and these organisms end up incredibly malleable. This fruit isn’t native anywhere. Nor does it really have a reason for existing. I guess in a way, it’s a lot like how people see life. Must be cruel to be made with no purpose. Though it does taste pleasant, the fruit I mean.” You placed the white bits of fruit into your mouth, yet remained unsure of the flavor. A mix of tastes synchronized with your mix of feelings. This was supposed to be disgusting, but its novelty made it alluring. You stood there, slowly taking into account what had happened until that moment before grabbing Yellow’s hand once more. She seemed to understand the complexity of your experience and stayed silent. “We could move on, if you’d like, She paused before thinking her next words through, “Though I guess it’s important to consider just how well some colors and shapes complement each other. And this time, I don’t just mean fruit.”

It’d be strange returning home this day with everything in mind, but you’d be certain to be aware of your next choice in life. Maybe all this mixing and fusing was the real conclusion. But surely, all that really mattered now was the present. Yellow leaned in closer to your face. Time for another new taste.


	3. Blue

“Blue, I’ll give you a chance,” you claimed as Blue quickly clasped her hands in excitement. She lovingly looked at you with the biggest grin as Yellow lowered one of her brows in disapproval.

“A-ah! Thanks for allowing me the time; I won’t let you down...I didn’t really think this far ahead, but I think I know just the place!” Blue said as she took your arm in hers and headed to a small space shuttle. Yellow shrank into the background; no longer audible after you heard her mumbling about coming back. You focused back on Blue, who flashed her teeth with the goofiest grin while she entered the shuttle, set aside her boquet, and poked some buttons. She seemed to know exactly how the controls worked and set her coordinates to…“Earth”. How did she even know about this place? Blue stood back from the control panels: “Now you’re probably thinking ‘Why Earth?’ but I’ll have you know I have my connections!”

When the two of you had landed by a beachside, the sky had cleared up and all traces of the outer space seemed to be veiled be a sunny atmosphere. Seagulls proceeded their honking around as the coastline calmly swept back and forth. “I want you to meet my friends!” Blue Zircon paced over to the shore, looking back at you reassuringly. “This place is where I just let everything sink in,” she said as she drenched her legs and continued trudging forward, against the tides. Soon enough her head was out of sight. You made your way to where her watery grave now lie. Did she really think you’d join her? In a few seconds, you were given no choice. A blue flash grasped at your hand and drug you in.

“Sorry, I couldn’t think of a more elegant way down here,” Blue apologized. You shifted your feet in the sand, trying to accustom yourself to the environment. Blue linked your arm with hers, guiding you even deeper. The two of you skipped by corrals of coral, in a bright assortment of color despite residing in the bluest of spaces. Long-legged crabs zigzagged through sponges and unintelligent stone. You step closer. Oof. Something firm clacked under your weight. A round sandy coin, no, a dollar.

“So, where are your friends?” you broke the silence.

“We’re looking at them!” replied Blue, when a school of fish made their way to you. They seemed very interested in Blue’s jacket. She reached her hand out from under it, holding out stretchy little insects. She handed one to you.

“I don’t suppose you expect me to take care of this?”

“Goodness, no!” laughed Blue, “they’re morsels of food for my underwater comrades.” She gestured towards the fish, handing out their lunch. “They take a great liking to whatever looks unappealing to people. It’s probably why they like being around me.”

You took a look at Blue’s face, unsure of how genuine her smile was. It was definitely prettier than her scaly companions’. You analyzed their motions, circular and frequent. Most sheened under the reflected sunlight, yet appeared to be consistently indigo. Or was it teal? You thumbed your “unappealing” fishy meal. It wriggled its miniscule pink body. Time to set it free. Freedom didn’t last long; a blue friend approached it with a gaping mouth and empty belly. It’s hard to tell if something is thankful when its eyes are so beady. Blue didn’t seem to mind either way. She ran her hands through the school of fish, petting the larger ones while their inferiors passed through her fingers. “I apologize if this isn’t the most eventful date,” murmured Blue, “but I consider the few friends I have very important. With the little time I have outside of work, coming down here helps drown out the noise. I wanted to share this with you.”

The moment would be sweeter if guppies weren’t suckling her nose. She quit waving her arms through fish to hold your hand. “Have you ever seen these creatures in captivity? Pink Diamond once had them on display throughout the better parts of Homeworld,” she narrated, “I’m not sure how they felt about it, but they could have used some space. Yellow Diamond insisted they had to match every color of fish into their own tanks. Not soon after we found out the blue ones needed to eat the pink ones, and the pink ones needed to eat yellow-green bits to survive. There’s a reason we don’t see tanks in Homeworld anymore.”

You took another look at the fish. They weren’t as monochromatic as initially thought. Flecks of red speckled across their chin, yet their fins glittered with slight hints of gold. Every organism around you seemed to blend in multiple hues. A glance back at piles of coral made the memory of Blue’s bouquet of flowers boring in comparison. Pinks and greens complimented each other so well, in a way where it seemed clear that not everything had to look uniform. Though the depth of water made everything duller, all flora and fauna reflected a great variety of color.

Blue silently observed you. “Mixing colors on Earth doesn’t leave them tainted. I wish I could say the same about home.” Blue clasped your hand tighter. Her face reflected yellow and green tints, as the tides above her shifted light. Time passed by more slowly until she pressed her face to yours.


	4. Both

“I can’t make such a critical decision under all this pressure. I don’t think any gem could handle it,” you said, gazing at both Zircons. “Why can’t I have both?”

“Hahahaha, that’s ridiculous!” shouted Yellow, narrating her own laughter very well. “We’re rivals, that’s the point!”

“I have to agree on this one,” said Blue, looking down at the floor, “If we all just decided to be one big happy family, I’d ask Fluorite.”

Who? A fusion? Before you could dwell on your thoughts for too long, Yellow started laughing uncontrollably at Flourite’s mention: “Might as well ask Sugar herself to join!”

Who were they talking about now? White text started crawling from the bottom, past the floorboard, and creeped up over to your face. It seemed to exist in an entirely new plane. While bold and almighty, the text only contained two words. They read: “BAD END.”


	5. Yourself

Just what did these two see in you, anyway? You’re out of their league! This really was no place for a gal like you.

You set yourself going back to your ship. The Zircons ceased their squabbling to watch you leave. Blue began to mope, as Yellow sat in disbelief. It wasn’t too long after you’d see them comfort each other through your shuttle windows. Perhaps they should just stick with each other. You raised your arm and waved away, a fare well from the fairest judge.


End file.
